I was a newbie to the play group, so I mostly listened to the chatter of the other women. The conversations were what you’d expect: discussions about their children’s latest developmental milestones, information about the best local preschools, and a lot of refereeing of toddlers dueling for sole possession of a toy truck. It began to dawn on me as I listened to the adult conversation that the toddlers weren’t the only ones in the room who were trying to win. While it wasn’t anywhere near the level of an Olympic swim meet or a real-estate bidding war, that a sense of competition existed at all among a group of first-time parents caught me by surprise.

It took me a while to name what was fueling that competition. It was ambition.